Client story 10

My feedback and advice for anyone thinking about starting CBT

"I was living in a grim neighborhood, spending my weekends in the bedroom eating cookies and being terribly frustrated about almost everything: my flatmate's cleaning abilities, my boyfriend not calling me, my stressful job, my unpleasant colleague, me not quite fitting in with the team, me not fitting in my jeans... The most frustrating were my fast deteriorating eating habits – I binged on everything I could possibly find in the fridge until I was so full that I lied on the bed and felt pain in the stomach and utter disgust towards myself. Indeed if a friend called at that moment I was in no condition to go out. I missed on a whole tanker of social events, refusing to show myself to the world. I came to the point when I was permanently in a bad mood, unable to take any action, ganging upon myself before everyone else would. Life turned into the river torrent just before the waterfall. I saw no way out as my own thinking process got me stuck in a loop which only made me feel worse. I decided to go for the therapy. Looking back I think I should have done it years ago.

My first session with Eleanor... I was talking 50 min out of the hour as Eleanor could only briefly get a word in... I could not understand whether she was a good or a bad coach because all I was interested in is to scream about my problems!! She gave me the stage.. My second session – I was told to go home and ensure I get enough sleep! I was disappointed, what kind of advice is this? It is not “secret wisdom”, it's what my parents tell me every time we talk. I stayed on the track however.

3 months later I felt as if I ve just disembarked from a cosmic ship. Coaching coupled with the homework that I was more or less diligently doing translated into a thrilling journey that pivotally changed the way I feel about myself and other people. The change was in fact so dramatic that even people who were not close to me, noticed the transformation. They could not figure out what exactly has changed as my clothes and my hair style were still the same but when they bumped into me in the office corridor they would look stunned and say something “oh, have you been travelling? You look so different these days...” “Have you lost weight?” (in fact I have not lost a gram...) “What happened to you? You are glowing!”

I came to Eleanor with a micro issue about the eating habits and gradually moved to the sessions when we discussed the macro picture - what it is I actually want to do with my life and how I can get there. This was one of the most valuable experience I’ve ever had in my life and I can't tell you enough how grateful I am to Eleanor for her constant support and subtle navigation.

At the moment, I still sometimes have a problem at times deciding what to eat and when to stop - I’ll keep working on this - but here is what I’ve gained :

I wake up in a good mood! Every day!

I found a meaningful and inspiring job which makes me feel fulfilled, focused, driven and rewarded. I like my job! I rush to office in the morning, head full of ideas eager to get started. How much would you pay to get to this state?!!

I found determination to break up the exhausting relationship which was dragging me deeper into depression in the past

I extended my social circle and learnt how to stop trying “to win them all”
Despite my tight schedule I make time for things I really enjoy such as reading a book or spending time with people whom I really like.

I learnt not to underestimate the importance of listening and I try to put my conversation partners in the spotlight rather then overload them with “my stories” and “critically important” information about myself.

I found what it is I really want to achieve in my life. After years of whining that I m not talented and can never finish what I’ve started I came to understand the simple fact that talent = effort …..and that putting effort into something because you have interest and curiosity rather than just financial motivation makes for a meaningful life.

I learnt how to control my thoughts and get out of negative thinking loops.

I feel bubbly and energetic, open and confident like never before! I smile and laugh so much more now. In the past people used to ask me if everything is OK noting that I looked worried and tired – now they ask me why I m in such a good mood! I swear this is truth (and no, I m not taking any medication in case you wanted to ask).

To wind up, I became a newly converted believer in the benefits of CBT and coaching because it worked its magic!! Eleanor encouraged me to say things out loud and connect the dots and would ask the right question at the right moment and make a point which would turn my mind in a much more helpful direction so I could let go of old habitual thinking. It is crucial who your coach is. You need to like them and to trust them. And you need to believe that change is possible even if you don't know how to make it yet!

Best of luck to you!

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